How Sakurai Stole Christmas
Incase you all didn't know, Sakurai (the guy in charge of the new Smash Bros. Brawl) changed the realease date of the game from Dec. 3, 2007 to Feb 10, 2008. This is unfortunate, becuase I was looking forward to playing this game on Chirstmas. I wrote a story called How Sakurai Stole Christmas which is a parody of the original How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
How Sakurai Stole Christmas
Every Kid Down in GameSpot Liked Christmas a lot...
But Sakurai, Who lived just North of Gamespot, Did NOT!
Sakurai hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
Could it be that Mario’s overalls were buckled too tight?
Or perhaps Sonic’s entrance infringed legal rights?
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that there weren’t enough fighters in Brawl.
Whatever the reason, the hardware or the plotters,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating Gamespotters,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Kid down in Gamespot could see,
Visions of Smash Brothers Brawl on their Nintendo Wii’s.
"And they're practicing Melee?!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Sakurai fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the good girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the smiles! All, the laughs
and the prancing!
And the one thing he hated! Oh no! The Wave Dashing!
All the kids, young and old, would sit down to battle.
And they'd battle! And battle! Until their control sticks would rattle!
They would battle the Pit’s, and laugh at the Wario’s too.
Which was something that Sakurai could not stand to do!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Kid down in Gamespot, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, screaming out “BRAWL!”
They'd stand Wii-Mote in hand. And the Kids would start saying!
“Plug in the wifi, and begin the N00b slaying!”
And they'd battle! And battle! Until their control sticks would rattle!
They would battle the Pit’s, and laugh at the Wario’s too.
Which was something that Sakurai could not stand to do!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Kid down in Gamespot, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, screaming out “BRAWL!”
They'd stand Wii-Mote in hand. And the Kids would start saying!
“Plug in the wifi, and begin the N00b slaying!”
And the more Sakurai thought of the smiles this game would bring,
The more Sakurai thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for so many years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
SAKURAI GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" Sakurai laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “This trick will be great!"
"I’ll introduce Sonic, and follow up with a crappy update!"
"We’ll insert a picture of our new blue headed friend!”
“But the new release date will bring their smiles to an end!”
“I’ll type in ‘New Challenger Approaches’ and then copy and paste,
the picture will appear and then I’ll change the due date!”
“All I need to do now is press enter and the whole world will see,
Their happiness rise but the due date will shatter their dreams!”
But before he pressed enter he heard something come down from above
What he heard was a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw solracselbor!
Little solracselbor, who was not more than four.
Sakurai had been caught by this tiny gamespotter,
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
He stared at Sakurai and said, "Santy Claus, why,”
"Why are you taking our Christmas? OH, WHY?"
But, you know, that old Sakurai was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's more development needed." Sakurai replied.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
“So wipe away those tears and please do not hate.”
“By the way, you wont see the game til’ 2000 and 8”
How Sakurai Stole Christmas by Carlos Karl Padilla Robles is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0License.
Based on a work at http://make-money-online-quick.blogspot.com/2007/10/how-sakurai-stole-christmas.html
